Learning from my mistakes

I have made plenty and I know I am going to make plenty more.  This last weekend my friend didn't text a hello or anything to me. I didn't panic and I didn't over think it. If his feelings for me haven't changed over all these years they won't in a day or couple of days. Talking to Derrick, made me realize how immature it was for me not to text a hello. I do like it when he does it first but how in the hell does he know that.

In our conversations today I learned he is almost ready for a relationship. I feel a little panicked because I am not ready or able to be in a relationship with him. I can't be selfish so I must prepare myself for the time when he finds someone. Oh how I would love to be with him. Hold his hand and be happy with that. But I'm married and it's not right. This is what I have no control over. I can't stand up for myself in this. I just have to let it happen...whatever it is. 

On Sunday I had my first lesson and I haven't been happier. It was fantastic even though I do lack confidence. She told me to just let loose. Play loud. So tonight when I practiced I played loudly. I need to cut my fingernails because my fingers can't curve properly. I am excited for my next lesson and it's different because I have not ever been asked what do I want to learn. What do I want. Um Leander and to be in a band. :) Yes, wishful thinking. 

I went to two classes today, one at 6am and 8pm. The one at 8 kicked my ass. I loved it. I think I am going to take Taylor's yoga class. I know that my face will have an incredible glow and I'll relieve lots of stress. Mike and I talked about cardio, shakes, and winning the next challenge. I was the winner for the week but I just took off my belt, shoes and didn't have my keys and crap in my pockets. But my competition doesn't know that. I told Mike my strategy and he just looked at me. (rolls eyes) I can't send those slackers into a panic because they will eat nothing but celery sticks. No I can't let them know what I'm doing. My arms and shoulders look so pretty. I love the definition in my shoulders and my calves are beginning to have more definition. Like I just want them to be out there. I need to do more core. I have training in the morning and I have a feeling I won't be able to walk.